Staying and Leaving

It's been an eventful year where human relationships are concerned. Being on Facebook helps - you get to know your friends' status in realtime. Who's getting married, who's engaged, who's divorcing, who's single again.

It's a happy happy occasion to find out friends who are getting married. They are bubbly and overflowing with joy that you can't help but celebrate with them. Here are testimonies that no matter what the couples have gone through - the highs and the lows and the breakups and the getting back together - if both are willing to fight for their relationship, a happily-ever-after is possible.

And I also tip my hats off to the guy who is so brave to take on a woman with two extra packages in tow. Not many guys would dare to come close to someone who has got a history.

But it's the breakups that shatter one's perception of how "Love conquers all". It can be quite surprising / devastating / disorientating when you find out. Whatever happened to the relationship that had looked so perfect and comfortable? Perhaps there had been warning signs - or none at all. All one can do as a friend is to provide comfort and a listening ear to them.

And all these staying and leaving make you think of your own relationships (or lack thereof) and you become introspective and retrospective about it all. How fragile human relationships can be. And how precious.

And then there are endless questions: Where does one go from here? What happens now?
Only God knows.

(Sorry for the pointless rambling. Just me and my brain processing all these news and trying to make head or tail out of them.)

Of Weddings, Bouquets and Prayers

Romance & Marriage

I attended a wedding recently. I have to admit it was one of the more touching weddings I have been to. The pastor was engaging and his advice about marriage and romance was heartfelt. I cannot remember his exact words but it went something like this: a marriage is not only about that loving and romantic feeling for your partner. It is about accepting that person despite his/her faults and idiosyncrasies. It is not about finding your soul mate, but working together to build a successful married life with that person you have chosen to spend your life with.

No Karaoke, OK?

Much later, someone asked me how I would like my wedding to be. I said I haven’t thought about it much. As long as it’s not garish and there is no karaoke involved, I am fine with it. Then I questioned myself. Why haven’t I, like most girls, imagined exactly how I would love for my wedding to be like? I’d like to conclude that I would rather be planning a marriage – instead of a wedding. And, the less prudent side of me would rather be imagining a honeymoon, instead of a wedding.

Flower Power. Not.

Another thing about wedding I cannot fathom: the tossing of the bouquet. A feminist would despise such a blatant show. Pictures of girls jumping for and snatching the bouquet always make me wince. Many a time, I have been pushed to the crowd of girls to be among the catchers by well-meaning people. Excuse me if I appeared reluctant and even annoyed. To me, it’s demeaning. Why should girls be expected to clamber for a wedding? I don’t see the groom’s side doing the same thing. Imagine the groom tossing say, a piece of cake and all the single eligible guys rushing to catch it with their mouths open. Hehe… But then again, knowing guys, they’d probably be on the next boat to Indonesia in a blink if that was ever to happen.

Prayers

On a different note, there’s a list of prayers to be done for friends. You know who you are.

- For she who is waiting for a reply for her PhD application. Am praying for a favourable answer soon!
- For he whose boss is making his life at work hell, I pray for a light to shine through the dark clouds ahead.
- For the couple who had just blessed us with their wedding, may their married life be wonderful as they learn to grow old together.
- For she who is bearing a precious life within her, I am amazed by her courage and her trust in God to take care of all things.

Love Me

I saw this drawing on the wall of a building near Pudu. It was a picture of a boy crouching with his face hidden underneath his arms, and the words "Love me" overhead. It's heartbreaking. Someone, whoever it was, was crying out for attention, for love.

So how do YOU cry out for love?

Slices of Heaven

Little drops of happiness can be found in the simplest things, such as

• Composing a silly poem, ditty or letter to your loved ones on Valentine's Day


• Chasing the sunset from a hilltop




• Chasing the sunrise at a mountaintop


• Seeing your words in print


• Performing a stageplay for the Glory of the Almighty


• Seeing the joy in the eyes of a woman who finally received a positive on her pregnancy test


• Receiving a sincere hug from a friend


• Giving a sincere hug to a friend who needs it


• Embracing a child and making him/her laugh


• Wishing Good Morning and Sweet Dreams to a loved one

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." -1 Thessalonians 5:18

Karen's Tale

Sometimes a story has to be told. And this is one of them. Thanks Karen, for allowing me to share it.

Karen was in primary school when she had a crush on a boy. He was charming and handsome. Girls fell for him easily. So Karen was very cautious in her admiration for him. She was shy and the more she felt for the boy, the more she did not dare to speak with him. Then one day her heart was crushed when she overheard him saying to his friends that when he grew up, he would marry another classmate, who happened to be Karen’s best friend. In her little innocent heart, she was in great dismay. After leaving primary school, they lost touch.

She grew up, always timid and quiet. She met a guy in her university who was a good talker and had a charismatic personality. And since it was difficult to make her speak to people she wasn’t close to, she was grateful that he talked to her. He was intelligent and had a good sense of fun. She was besotted. And yet, he had a barrage of girls and admirers whom he talked about to her. It grazed her but she smiled stoically and lent him an ear. She was determined to be there for him even though the circumstances were all wrong. You see he never viewed her as anything more than a friend because they were of a different race. Yet two years later, something sparked between them. Karen was elated. Finally, here was a chance at happiness. But it all ended as quickly as it began. He just broke her heart one day, telling her he needed to talk. He said it just wasn’t working for him. She never knew what was the real reason behind it all. Perhaps it was race; perhaps he never intended any further in the first place. Her heart was torn into pieces and she was even convinced that she couldn’t love again.

Many years passed. Karen was introduced to a friend of a friend and they had a few dates. She was cautious. He was all wrong, and she knew it. Yet because she wished to be loved so much she hung on to it waiting perhaps for a glimmer of hope. But it was not meant to be. He just stopped calling her, claiming to have “cold feet”. In a way, she felt freed. But it was still painful. It messed up her insides. A voice told her she was not pretty enough, not good enough to be loved. Sure, she had friends and family who adored her. But she could not help feeling self-pity and a loss of confidence.
Along came Mr Right. A close friend, he was kind, and caring. And she thought perhaps he could like her and grow to love her. But he fell in love with someone else. It was all happening over and over again, her love unrequited. She cried herself to sleep. Why does this happen to her? Is it so hard for her to be loved in return?

Then she met another Mr Right. This time he was reciprocating in like. They went steady and she was deliriously happy, thanking God everyday for this gift. After such a long time, she allowed herself to open up her heart, feeling safe it would not be crushed again. Months flew by as everything just fell neatly into place. But as history is prone to repeat itself, her heart lurched to a stop one day when he said the words, “I need to talk to you.” Not again, she thought, not again. Her world came tumbling down in the blink of an eye.

But this time, it was different. She turned to God and knew that although times were bad, He will never forsake her, even when others did.

He told her too that all that had happened, happened for a reason. All those times, when the guys deserted her, she had quietly let them go. Perhaps she knew deep down, they were not meant to be. It was God’s plans. This time though, she realized it was different. This time, she would fight on. She pushed aside her pride and her fears and her hurts. Gone was the little timid girl.

And as soon as she decided that, there was a calm, steadfastness within her. Yes, it would be an uphill task to fight. There would be times of frustration, despair and sense of loss. But it was what she needed to do.

And she will do it.

(To be continued...)

Love is

I was at a friend's ROM in Putrajaya recently (ROM here is not Read Only Memory, but Registration of Marriage) when I saw a brilliant quotable quote on one of the notice boards. It read,

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship. It's not how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build till the end."

Wow, very meaningful, don't you think? Definitely a nice little tip to drill into the brains of people who are having doubts & wondering if their partners are "Mr Right" or "Ms Right". And it's also a reminder that relationships / marriage is hard work. It's not just a cozy stroll along the beach. It's pulling your sleeves up and getting your hands and nose dirty once in a while.

Anyhow, I've collected a bagful of "Love is" quotes from years of reading (gosh, I feel old). Some of them are bittersweet like:

"Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn."

And some thoughtful.

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove."

And some are biblical.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


No prizes for guessing where these jewels come from. But if you can guess correctly, I'll give you a little virtual thumbs up. ;)